Dancing on the Thin Edge of My Retirement

I sold my condo and made a nice profit – YAH! But if you think having more money would make deciding on a path when I retire easier, you would be wrong. Maybe if it were like a kajillion $$$$, it would be. Nah, it would increase choices, there by increasing the level of difficulty.

I shouldn’t be whining and I’m certainly not giving the money back… as it is the government will be doing its best to grab a chunk of it.

Time is making this daunting. At 63 I feel like I am running out of it. I know I know, there are 70 and 80 year olds that will be up in arms at that statement. I don’t blame them but it is how I feel in this moment. I have so many things I want to do that will require good health and let’s face it, the odds get worse with each passing year.

Speaking of time; how is it that time can feel like it is barreling faster than the speed of light but literally at the same time it is crawling painfully along? I am trying hard to live in the moment and not hold my breath for retirement and I can start my true life. This is my life, it is just not as true as it will be,hopefully. Having had Cruel Curve Balls of Shit before I know things can change from one breath to another. Which only serves to make me even more impatient to get going.


So here is my list of things i want to do, in no particular order:

Those are the top ones… if I wander around pinterest for 5 minutes I’m sure I can come up with more.

The reality is that why should my retirement be any different than the rest of my life? Forever I have been searching for a purpose to my life, a singular path that will lead to my actualization. squirrelYeah, that didn’t work out so well. I am like Dug, in the movie “Up!”, ever distracted by ,,,,,,



It is all making it challenging to focus on anything in particular, like writing posts for this blog… or creating pottery.. or taking a web design course…

Sorry if I sound all whiny and stuff. Believe me I know how fortunate I am and I am grateful every single day for my privileged problems. That I don’t have to find my next meal in a dumpster or worry about getting raped in a shelter is a blessing for which I am thankful.

Are you retiring soon or retired now? How are you making out?

Are you miles from retiring? How does this post make you feel?

I really am curious since really I can only know what I am feeling in my moment.

Do you have any more suggestions that might make my choices harder? LOL


10 thoughts on “Dancing on the Thin Edge of My Retirement

  1. laf laf laf laf,

    Oh to be 84 again and so it goes…..I really don’t like people who “pull rank” by virtue of having been there.

    Once upon a time I had thoughts of “giving back” of teaching in third world countries etc…… a kind of renaissance of teen age “save the world” mentality. Needless to say, it didn’t happen that way. I think it was my 64th year that my material body started to age….. and age…. and age….and here I am at 85 and wondering how I got here.

    I have to clean up my balcony today because building is being steam washed and painted soon. No one knows when. No matter that the elevators are not for the faint of heart. Always trapping people inside. Each day is getting to be more of a challenge to do things that I used to take for granted. Balcony chores will be done very, very slowly with long rest periods in between.

    Would like to say more, but have to get going. Things moving faster and faster. Sometimes I’m spinning. And my advice to myself and to anyone who cares to listen is s l o w d o w n. Take a deep breath and a long step back. You can’t do, have, fix it all. Panic sets in and nothing gets done. No actualization, no authentic selfing,, nothin’ Every stage of life is different. I’m finding mine an unknown country. I seek out aged writers who are my age who have interesting things to share. More recently I read Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins and laffed and laffed….. So make sure you live a lot so that when you get really really old, you have a lot to remember and a lot to laf about.




  2. Hi Croney,

    Just read “great balls of shit” a link in your ‘Dancing of the Thin Edge” post. Together they make a lot of sense. Keeping things together is part of the trick. A semi frend keeps telling me “I never promised you a rose garden” when I wail and gnash.

    I’ve had better days…..the time rushing by and dawdling at the same time. Memory and experience get more unreliable every day.

    I was so energized by your energy that I lep into response mode without my brain in gear. Now I hope that I didn’t laff at your dancin’ That was the last thing I would do. Sometimes when things are at their gloombiest I am overcome by laughter. Better than the mirthless meri that I turned into as the day crawled by.

    So sweetie, just to let you know that I agree with you about so many things. Especially about the predictable aging of the body. So anything that takes physical energy and strength “do it now” As for the mind and spirit I don’t know. I really don’t know. Only that we must stay true to our own story. No one else’s works for us. I have tried many stories on for size, but none of them fit. And nothing worked out the way I expected. Now and then I read something that hits the spot. Yes, that’s it, I must remember that. And sometimes I do.

    But your story is your own and I think you are quite remarkable in what you have accomplished so far. Keep calm and carry on as the Brits say. I wish you all good things.

    Go fer it…..

    luv n hugs,



  3. You’re not whining. This is normal introspection. I’m going through a similar thing and I’m coming up on 48. I hope I come to terms with it, if I’m going to live a long time, because it will suck to feel like this for decades to come. I’m sure you will make your life vibrant, no matter what. There’s one thought that always pulls me out of the deep lows: at least I haven’t spent my life in front of a TV screen. Neither have you.


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